I’m sorry I have not posted recently. I have been lacking inspiration and we’ve been eating leftovers.
You know, it’s been hard since I got back from Mexico. It’s like I can’t remember the things that used to keep me busy and interested. I have been sinking into a hole of loneliness, boredom and apathy, and have been wasting my days on the computer, just filling time. I have fallen back into the bad habit of emotional bingeing on junk food. I haven’t been happy, and I don’t know how I got here.
Then, I had a revelation yesterday. I have been fighting physically against these emotions and bad habits and failing miserably. I am failing because I failed to realize that this war isn’t in the physical, it is spiritual.
I don’t like to admit this, but a weakness of mine is depending on circumstances for the quality of my relationship with God. When I was serving on the mission field surrounded by strong Christian brothers and sisters it was easy to be strong in the Lord. Since I have been married we have moved around and had to make new friends and find new church homes. I have felt isolated. I wasn’t surrounded by that strong Christian community and I have deteriorated.
I have become selfish with my time, resources, and energy, and have turned down opportunities to serve just because I didn’t feel like it. Yesterday I had to take a step back and ask why. How did I get here? Do you want to know what the answer is? It is because I have done nothing. I am sure you have heard of the quote “